Calm The Global Markets!

 "Growing worries over debt in the eurozone and the US caused sharp falls on world stock markets last week." (Photo: BBC)

Surrendering, please no shoot.

Emergency flares and SOS's were fired off from the world of nervous lemmings. Everywhere around the globe there was the usual turmoil, as psycho-sellers drove down markets, dumping stock along with wives and the odd mistress. Finance ministers awoke from their two year slumber aghast. "We, the G7 major economic powers are still finding just about everything totally beyond our understanding. So just as a precaution, we will burn sage and dance around the magic crises pole before the markets reopen in an attempt to calm the idiots"  Emergency Talks DOOMED! suggested the Daily Shirker in today's enlightened and supportive editorial, written by the failed revolutionary Max Trott. "Workers! Perhaps Now? Some slogan to get your head staved in for. Meanwhile hit man Jean 'Crossbow' Tetchy wants nothing Italian, especially something beginning with: Debt. "They are not reliable except for perhaps the odd thin crust pizza, ice cream and an espresso."  The governing council of the ECB held a telethon on Sunday as well as requesting Beriusconi to have 30 minutes without a woman of some interest hanging around, and flog off some of his TV stations. No white smoke was forthcoming.