CEOs Get Paid Extra to Stiff the Taxman - Outrage - TheStreet

Just go to the link and read. If in the US and pay taxes, see how long before rising blood pressure pops out your eyes. If it won't show try: www.thestreet.com and search for the story....or wear yourself out by typing in the full monty:
http://thestreet.com/story11235596/1/ceos-get-paid-to-stiff-the-taxman-outrage.html

Michael Vick

"Vick and the Philadelphia Eagles agreed Monday to a six-year contract that again makes the Pro Bowl quarterback one of the NFL's highest-paid players. NFL Network's Michael Lombardi reported the contract is worth $100 million, according to a league source, and NFL Network insider Jason La Canfora also cited a league source in reporting that $36 million of the total amount is guaranteed." (NFL.com)

Michael Vick.

You still that real old softy, dog lovin' guy Mr Vick? Of course you are; even though some folks might thinks it's a tad obscene them amount of football playin' reward $$$$$'s considerin' all things. Anyways...here's a couple of  snaps to sweep you back to them good ol' dog fightin' lovin' days, that'll melt that ol' soft heart of yours.

(Photos: Copyright Control)

Log A Jog...

"Jogging beats weight lifting for losing belly fat." (usatoday.com)

"All day couch kipping, deep fried anything and that 2am Elvis snack will perhaps not achieve the desired tapered tum look" Thus spoke Dr of the bleedin' obvious with the findings of an eight month study tucked under his ample belt. "Resistance training is great if you're in an occupied country, but for improving strength and increasing lean body mass, you may have to press the horizontal release button and relinquish the four seater sofa once in a while."

Just what the hell is it, Bob?

The lead author and exercise physiologist Cris Slentz said in a Duke news release. "If you are overweight, which two-thirds of the population is, and you want to lose belly fat, aerobic exercise is the better choice because it burns more calories."
Open new file tomorrow: Bleedin' Obvious 1.

Choco Pig Out, Live Forever!

 "Heart experts say more leisure and some chocolate are good for you." (AFP)

"A greater part of any proposed daily physical activity in leisure time should be vigorously avoided. And why? Well, you can't ride a bike on black ice while pigging a box of your fav life savers."

Two hands; always much better than one.

Dr E. Expert popped a few in before he continued; first checking that funding from Chocolate World Inc. was indeed secure for a further five gobbly good years. "It's all based on the individuals own perception of greed intensity," Dr Eddy E said, while wiping the funding grin and orangy twirl remnants from his face. "In Choc-o-land there's no scientific evidence to prevent one from an Olympian 48hour 'Mammoth Maximus' choc-in; though beginners best bring along a biggish bowl and a non squeamish friend." But what about the 1950's Readers Digest section about laughter being the best medicine?  "Hm...not exactly chemo," cautioned Eddy. "And as for hospital beds surrounded by flowers, foliage and fruit fly? All equally useless, as well as pissing off anal Nurse Tidies country wide".
In yet another report, Mitch Muller a professor at the University of Lazyland School of Medicine found similar proof in his newly funded study entitled, 'Similar Proof.' When asking volunteers to first watch a stressful movie such as "Bambi" followed by the yoga yawn promo, "Double Death 3" the Muller and his independent research team found both films irrelevant. Whereas, blood vessel linings, pulse and unhealthy responses to some questions about the vasoconstrictions were detected only in those who swapped chocs for popcorn before the lights-out fumble test.
Eighty per cent milky Muller stated that Lazyland's evidence had concurred with all the other institutes of bias and fat check receivers.
Off the record a perplexed Muller said, "The vigorous scientific pursuit of truth must take place somewhere....I suppose?"

Gaga? Radio's OK, But Please, No Lady.

The Chinese Ministry of Culture doesn't want disturbing. No Gaga Lady!

Gaga

And certainly none of these Backstreet Bandeeto Boys. "We all hetro in Culture Ministry and all Peep's Republic China."

So... what's on offer?

Not Gaga.

 "Earth Wife - special mass culture, Liaoning Province, will stage a grand party in Beijing.
National theater drama performances plays good will be held in Shanghai.
Thirteenth Wuqiao Acrobatics Festival held in October.
South Korea Serious Games Forum will held in Changzhou. Deepen cultural restructuring, prosperity and development of cultural undertakings and cultural industries. By special agreement." (Ministry of Culture).

The above all just too exciting for you? Well...there's always the chill room...

Very gaga.




(Photos: as shown and Copyright Control).

'Irene, Goodnight Irene'

My friends. An mandatory evac is about to be announced, so it's 

(Photo: NASA)

offski to the hills! Will be back asap...

'Leezza... Where Art Thou'?

Could a love-struck member of the Loyal Orange Lodge (Chapter 274, Belfast N.I.) be the real reason why Libya abandoned its WMD's?

Tell your boys to split the scene, Ricey baby.

The evidence: a big photo album full of Ricey pics. Written on the front page of the album is, "We had a super time on my teapot ride, but I knew she was a Bush babe from the start. And what chance I; but a simple man of desert winds and terror plots." In an Al Jaz channel spot in '07  there was the now famous, 'Leezza, Leezza, Leezza, my darling African hot one."episode. On the albums last page, written in the blood of some unknown goat, "I'd have sold my camels along with my many womanly guardians, for just one desert starred night with she who had taken hold of my lonely Bedouin heart."

You're is the blue cup Ricey: my rose that fadeth not, nor fragrant petals fall.

In '08, Ricey had dinner once more with the Desert Prince of Compound Central, where the photo album was recently found by the Boys from Benghazi.

Gaddafi: Nearly!

"Libyan commandos fighting Muammar Gaddafi came close to capturing the toppled leader on Wednesday when they raided a private home in Tripoli." (Reuters)

Yes, this is my best profile, so take me like being Mr Rambo.

"When we got here, Gaddafi had left a note: 'Cold coke, salami and Semtex in fridge are mine!...dog cookies are for you lot of traitorous, camel herding scum.'
After decoding the note, the sharpest minds from Arab intelligence along with the Libyan rebels - who do a lot of  posing when not firing their guns at absolutely nothing and anything - all agreed that MG had been in this very kitchen."When we got here about 10am and found a cheeky note and other incriminating evidence we   suspected that he had spent at least one night here." said sharpy, rather overly pleased with his forensic deductions. "If we hadn't stopped for coffee and a full English heart -stopper of a breakfast, we'd have apprehended our former master and leader. The desert fox is somewhere...perhaps even here in Tripoli?" he said on his way to his photo shoot.
 

UK Top 10 Barmy Ones!

 "UK government ministers have ordered a wide-ranging review and pledged to consolidate or simplify the law." (Mailonline)

Rules!  Britannia! 

Employment minister Chris Grayling, who wears his briefs on his head in case of bird do-do, admitted to reporters yesterday, "I was home schooled and I never ever left my cosy little bed except for number 2s." Regressing by the syllable, he continued. "Mommy had my bedroom full of mattresses...especially the places that people said you could look straight through the walls!" Ah, I believe we call them windows, Chris. "Yes, aren't they something!" When mommy ran off with the seed of Satan, as daddy called him, then I started my rehab. Now years later, I can go upstairs and even down again without holding on... well sometimes anyway. I like doing that very, very ...," he trailed off...morphing back to the red box, government minister.

Successive governments and cotton-woolly parenting;  they've all contributed to the disenfranchisement of young people from their rights of passage.

"Swallows and Amazons" must stay safely between the covers of the book; for wrestling the wrapper off a new Xbox game is now the yardstick of childhood challenge.

OIL..Loads Of It?

The US Government and crude oil. What's a near fact and possible fiction?

Old oil barrels. (Photo: L.C. Nottaason) 

In the April of 2008, the U.S. Geological Service issued a report which updated a previous assessment of an area known as The Bakken; areas of North & South Dakota and eastern Montana. The EIA (Energy Information Administration) estimates the Bakken at around 503 billion barrels. Montana's Legislature's financial analyst, Mr Terry Johnson said, 'When I first briefed legislators on this, you could practically see their jaws hit the floor.' This particular reserve is mainly lite sweet oil.

Stansberry Report of 2006.
Beneath the Rocky Mountains, approximately 1000 ft under the surface lies the largest untapped reserve of oil yet discovered anywhere in the world. It is has been estimated to exceed 2 trillion barrels. To put the Rocky Mountain's huge reserves into some kind of perspective: it's 8 times more than Saudi Arabia; 18 more than Iraq; 21 more than Kuwait; 22 times more than Iran. Put another way; the current total reserves of crude oil within the borders of the USA exceed all the currently proven reserves in the rest of the world.

The above has become rather an urban myth, though American does have vast reserves of gas and oil. A case in point: on www.usgs.gov  a press release on 23 August 2011 upped the amount of recoverable natural gas in one location from 2 trillion cubic ft in 2002 to 84 trillion now. This is mainly because of the advances in technology...but back to the story. It would seem that there is some kernel of truth buried inside the oil reserve saga, but also a load of doggy facts and sloppy reporting in the first place. It's worth reading if only to see how the plot thickened as it went along and to see what is fact, from the as yet unproven.
Scroll down the page when you locate the story and a big A: at link: http://www.factcheck.org
or go strait to the horses mouth:  http://www.usgs.gov/newsroom/article.asp?ID=1911

Megrahi's Bad News?

"More bad news for Megrahi: Scottish probation officers are on his trail" (Independent, UK)

The convicted Lockerbie bomber  al-Megrahi.

Scottish justice officials have yet to make contact with al-Megrahi. "We've lost his mobile number and don't know his address and we read some absurd nonsense that 'the probation service is on his trail!' He'll be fetal  on the sofa cryin' out for his mama at the though of us wantin' to phone him!" The unnamed official put a small pill to melt under his tongue, before charging on. "We aren't friggin' psychic or a seventh son of a warlock. Don't some of the UK press know there's a bit of a shooting party at Gaddafi's former residence? So how in the hell are we to find that bastard, who should still be banged up at the Bar-L anyway. We're all takin' a wee bet that the new boys in Tripoli will hang him by the goolies thus saving us a hefty phone bill." I asked what East Renfrewshire Council have to do with Abdelbaset al-Megrahi? "Exactly! The council can barely change a street lamp. And a read (because they tell us bugger all) that Jim Fletcher, the council leader came up with the most original 'uncharted waters' and 'needing to make sure he's in Libya' so that the council can 'monitor his whereabouts'. "Can you believe it? The al-Megrahi fink-rat will be offski!"
I thanked the man who's face now resembled Mr Branson's big red high altitude balloon. "Of course, you know well the main culprit for bringing Scotland into disrepute, regarding this matter....?"  

The King, Druids And Courts...

"High Court deny druid reburial of human remains" (Fallen Scoop)

Who let these bloody sheep in!

Former soldier, wheel clamper and UFO aficionado aka King Arthur Pendragon to you of lowly cast, admitted to 57 earth years but could be much more and he very much wanted the High Court to stop the spade and riddle vandals with some immediacy. "These bone scavengers are committing a heinous act of cosmic proportions. Researchers? My large bottom! These drop-out university trowelers are an affront to our ancestry and mystic ones" But aren't they qualified to examine the human remains? KAP's home made crown spun rapidly on his self anointed head and the secred septer glowed. The crown rotating had commenced for no reason and no breeze or outward interference were apparent. Hmm...
The remains, found at the ancient site of Stonehenge, are believed to be more than 5000 years old.

Also 5000 years and more..The Ridgway (right)

" As I'm of Royal Druid line these jumped up assortment of wig wearers in the Ministry of Justice have no jurisdiction in my priestly realm." KAP stated this with such passion and authority that perhaps one has to wonder.... has KAP indeed walked in some former existence, with the fireaters, jugglers and ode chanters along England's ancient Ridgway?

The oldest known road in the UK also passes by the prehistoric White Horse.

(Photo top: Fallen Scoop. The Ridgway: Copyright Control).
For info go to: www.nationaltrail.co.uk/ridgway

Low Oxygen? Moths Molt!

"Moths molt four to five times before morphing into an adult as a moth or butterfly." (Phsyorg.com)

Polyphemus Motheus. 

At Duke University biologist and part time cover singer of classic '50/'60's tunes, the versatile Fred 'Duke of Earl' Ninjy knew from earlier work that, unlike the Darling Underwing, the horn-billed tobacco caterpillars can't hold their drink or be trusted near a salad. Only when they start a molt and have locused the surrounding countryside and loaded on that all critical 140.8lb times more weight, can they shed their exoskeletons smallecus. But he and other scientists were baffled and still didn't understand how they attended Weight Watcher weigh-ins when the gym's locked and shuttered? In a hot new study, Ninjy's  multi tasky grad student Vivi Callier ( backing vocals and roady) said, "Forget about DD tubsters. The mystery resides elsewhere!"

America runs/sits/sleeps for keeps with too many of these babies! 

And as sure as a dog will mistake you for a lampost if you don't move around once in a while; when Viv measured the size of the caterpillar's respiratory system, guess what? She found that the tracheal tubing had a puncture and if not remedied, would eventually lead to falling off bikes, rickets and Jeff Goldblum syndrome.

The Original 'Duke'

Gene Chandler's site: www.genedukeofearl.com
(Photo top: Marlin)
Surprises and accurate info can be sot out with team: www. physorg.com

Biden: Chinese US Debt Is Safe-ish.

"Giving a speech at Sichuan University, Mr Biden yet again sought to reassure China that its €830 billion holding of US Treasury bonds was safe." (Irish Times)

Ho hum... just one more act of perjury.

“It's safe in our hands and I'll say exactly what I'm told to say as it's not my expertise; gaffs are more my thing," volunteering the soon to be obvious. "As you students of international commerce and finance will know, we've been busy putting our financial house in order by Benny B banging out billions of our soon to be worthless bucks." Thought: I think that might have been my first little G today. "My personal preference is to buy the old trouper Gary U.S. Bonds. He's on the road with some banging new tracks and it's much the safer bet than our Fed Bonds." Asked an opinion of Obama's soon to be released one star rehash? "Well...lets just say, 'Another 4 Wasted Years' ain't no spine tingler...one for his hard core, I guess..."

Mr Biden, when out and about for lunch and cornered by some press near a live what-the-hell-is-this street vendor's, reluctantly agreed that any time soon US interest rates will be something other than planned. He also made a virtue of Treasury Bonds falling following the downgrade. "They're even more sought after than ever! Leprechauns and blind faith are great market tools." Joe spluttered enthusiastically, some interesting street food particles alighting on the faces of less nimble press hacks.“We are still the single-best bet in the world in terms of where to invest if you want to be a pauper before Cinder's coach returns to pumpkin status." In his summing up Mr Biden concluded, "We are the two biggest engines and the two largest economies working together to buoy the world economy."
I guess Joe must have missed that US/China friendly-fraternal ball bouncer of a game.

(Photo top: Ng Han Guan/AP).

Google's Amazing Amazon River 'Street View' Project Begins!

"Google is expanding its Street View service into some of the world's most remote places. It will photograph the River Amazon in Brazil" (BBC)

Here's the Google boat in action and to whet your appetite for more I've a few exclusive 'street views' of the Amazon to share with you! There's a lot of water. There's a lot of trees.

"Nobody knows we are here", said Maria do Socorro Siva Mendonca. Maria is a local. She likes water...and trees.

A Muddy Amazon.

FAS project leader Gabriel Ribenboim said: "It is very important to show the world what a big river this is, and what a lot of water and trees look like."

A Cloudy Amazon.

Can't wait for the next 10,000 miles? Nor can I!

Google Boat Lost...In The Amazon.

(Photos: as stated or Copyright Control).

Under Pressure?

"Syria's Arab neighbours pile on pressure on Assad regime," (BBC)

So glad you could make it, Bashar my friend.

More Gulf Arab nations have withdrawn their ambassadors from Syria. "We've kicked them (Assad and Co) out of the sand pie making contest and that's just for starters!" said the spokesman for Kings, Despots and OPRF (one party rule forever). "The Arab Consolidation Committee," he informed us, "is serious about this Syrian restlessness. We're withdrawing many Ambassadors for what we in the trade call "consultations."   We've learnt as much as we can from our Syrian brothers about how to stick the boot in and other inventive techniques for putting down the undesirable elements who don't know their place." The spokesman stubbed out his bad habit and lit another. "So, you're Willy Western, new press boy in town. You'll soon be writing nonsense about Arab Springs, eh? Habebe; this is how it works. We Arabs say whatever we think that pant suited woman of Obama's wants to hear. Same for all of you fans of elected governments.We have a big tent-in, invite all the Carter family and Arab Spring simpletons; then after goats head soup and a camel race, pack them all off back home."

Ten to one the King's lame nag wins.

"But... we in the West regard as highly significant that no less a figure as King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has publicly criticised Bashar al-Assad!"

"Yeah, right" as you might say in the land of the free.  (Photos: Copyright Control)

Je Veux Pisser. Now!

"Depardieu 'apologies' for publicly urinating on jet" (BBC)

Gerald Depardieu.

Gerald's friend and fellow actor Edouard Baer said, "For a start, you taxi and are held for three hours on the runway with the lav a no-go area. Sure, the cabin crew can take a leak at their leisure, while we the paying public have to do the cross legs and knot-tie. Gerald has prostate problems and had not been drinking." The French thespian, now center stage went on, "Many here have been in similar situations and it's even worse when traveling with a child."
 The current policy is a puddle waiting to happen. They get you on board the plane in FULL knowledge that it's not going anywhere, anytime soon. So lets keep the fidgety bastards from wondering around and getting in our way. We'll do the old for your safety 'cause it's really quite dangerous parked on the tarmac: Seat Belt Fasten Sign. Yeah, that's always a winner! Then Captain Plummy Voice Superior will announce over the intercom to the flying cigar box trap-ees, some nonsense about the weather five days ago in Timbuktu causing an unexpected delay here and how they really are sorry. Some of the more probable reasons? Cabin crew late for duty because they partied too much and couldn't be arsed to get out of their kip on time; control tower staff asleep on duty and just the usual airport incompetance. Whatever the reasons we've missed our spot and loo lock-down will remain in force.
Next time when in similar circumstances, let's just all do the Depardieu until the toilet Nazis change their policy.

O'Donnell: Morgan's Creepy Q's'

"Piers Morgan's questions were creepy then went into a personal nature and started prying."(msnbc)

"Imagine if the Pope were there. Would he have asked him, 'Do you still hang out with some of your friends from Hitler Youth days? C'mon, we talked about it times ago. It's old hat. I didn't even want to do the Piers Morgan show quite honestly because I knew I'd get, well you know...kinda want to wriggle in the chair a bit. He's well know to resort to certain kind of talk just before he goes on air."  At a later interview by someone called Ging-gus, Ms O'Donnell was asked about her vast collection of broom-sticks. "I am not a witch. Just because I'm an avid collector of flying wooden objects and turned down a Swiffer commercial."

Still using that olde broom gals?

She paused to kick her aid's chin. "I ignored my gut feeling on that. Passed on a largish check listening to that peep. If I wasn't a born again girl, he'd be a yesterday's man. Boy, is there a lesson there!" she said as she allegedly ripped off yet another mic.

Aliens May Destroy Us!

 'The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may be prone to destroy other life as they grow, just as humans have pushed species to extinction on Earth. In the most extreme scenario, aliens might choose to destroy humanity to protect other civilisations.' (Guardian, UK)

Hi. My name's Malc. Please read our report before the aliens do. Thanks earthlings.   

"A preemptive strike would be particularly likely," said one of the mushroom munchers.  "In Star Trek:  The Next Generation, in a fav episode of mine our macho expansion got right up the ETIs' antenna," he enthused with the countenance of the above cover. "A mega dysfunctional civilisation like ours may become increasingly difficult to destroy later," he announced. Convinced by his own and co-authors' off the wall assumptions, I ventured to ask Malc the Muncher if by any chance a man named Al Gore had opened his wallet? And also, could he reveal to me before it was time to make contact with planet Zog, just how he and the others had...without a little bitty evidence...all converged at the truth of their hypothesis? He ignored my reasonable question contenting himself with the old getting-quickly-under-your-desk exercise. "At some point, we will be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of the Earth's atmosphere, via greenhouse gas emissions," Their report also stated that, "Green" aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet."
Yes, of course they will Malc. Now you and your co-authors can come out from under your desks now and just step into this nice, quiet, cushioned room...  (Photo: Copyright DC Comics)

Pandas, Latinos And Can-Cleaning...

Juan. Stop flushing already.

"The federal government said on Wednesday it is suing a Panda Express restaurant in West San Jose for making its Latino workers clean toilets." (San Jose News).
"Asian employees dog lazy. Say with much smile going on, they get sea sick very much sooner," so said a green-gilled Latino with no hint of a name."These people needing a good brush-scrubbing from me after can-john duties."

Coming soon: the deluxe land version. 

A U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commissioner alighted from his stretched Humvee and stated,  "Hispanic workers get the shitty end of the stick. They work counter, clean the floating up-stream rest room, then are expected to get back on table duty, while Asian employees spectate, scratch their butts and spit."
A Panda spokesman stated that the company will not comment pending litigation regarding the alleged treatment of non Asian staff at the West San Jose establishment. (Photos: RV)

All Shook Up

It was long before I knew anything about Tupelo or Memphis. Sun Records, Sam Phillips or the fair ground colonel. In '57 aged twelve, in a small sea side town the eight week long school holiday had begun. And one sunny morning on a Saturday I sat in Togs Cafe; pocket money, chilled Coke, sandy shore hands and then, some girl played the Juke Box.

Tog's of Troon

We all have places of association with a song from the beginnings of youth; of those special to us moments triggered in the present from a car radio or on passing an open window; when briefly we're delivered to days of beach time friendships where those times-ago faces remain, but names from these simple, summer days have faded.

I away used to sing: 'come on su-gar.' not ever connecting the obvious. Tog's Cafe is no more, but now at least I know the words...   (Photos: Copyright Control)

All Shook Up: T22

GREAT! Scrot Get's Four Years!

Here's one of the 'somewhat shocked'

"A Cheshire man who was jailed for using Facebook to incite disorder during last week's riots is to appeal against his sentence," his solicitor has said.
Jordan Blackshaw, from Marston, was jailed for four years at Chester Crown Court on Tuesday, along with Perry Sutcliffe-Keenan, 22, from Warrington. Blackshaw's solicitor said his 21-year-old client and his family were 'somewhat shocked by the sentence'. (BBC)
How about, if the scrot's appeal fails they double the sentence? As it stands they could charge a daily occupancy rate same as some Med dive would. Pay-as-you-stay kinda. I can hear the usual bleedin' heart snivelers already chanting the Human Rights chorus. How about if you behave like a scrot, then your Human Rights gets booted back to whence it came; for as it stands, every scurrilous lawyer miss uses it as a get out of jail card for their low life clients. Oh... and it's you the UK tax payer that indirectly pays for Frogmorton, Rippovsnic & Frogmortonson's top of the range Chelsea tractors.  

Audiophile Digital?

"The age of the digital audiophile - someone who demands the highest quality sound reproduction - seems to be upon us. But what are they getting for their money"? (BBC)

Why headphones, I enquired of Jim? "Headphones are my new socially responsible contribution to sound pollution, though the price can dent a youthful pocket." Mr F Loudin from the small unassuming office of SNB (Stopping Noisy Bastards) sat on the edge of Jim's shabby futon, nodding his approval. "Thin walls and big speakers are not a compatible combination, so they had to go." What's next from Mr Insufferable. "You see, the sound from loudspeakers is acoustically contoured by the listeners' head  before reaching the ear drums, and this interaction provides, in the form of crossfeed, phase and amplitude the necessary head-related transfer functions (HRTFs)." The death bore beamed through the ether to his audience of two."On the other hand," he resumed before I could pull his plug, "headphones are in the audio bandwith 20 Hz - 20kHz. Outside that range, sounds are not heard by most, except some 'golden eared' audiophiles!" Having only the brass appendages to keep from being road kill on a very foggy night; did the pompous plonker actually say that?
Wishing him a rapid rendezvous with some faulty high voltage wiring, I turned quickly to take my leave. By now, young Jim had the future of sound on his ears and was soon nodding in time to some unknown frequencies; the inverse wave with ambient noise-cancel, now once more fully engaged. (Photo/Art: Photobucket.com)

Russell Brand: On and On...

"He may live in Los Angeles now, but Russell Brand is still a Londoner at heart." (Daily Mail,UK)

The 36-year-old goby one while living the good life in LA, in a patriotic moment lasting a nano second thought of the Homelanders during the recent riots back in London. "I've lived all over the place. Know every dark ally and been on benders in every local knees-up pub. Like a real little cockney a was; what with ma Jellied ells and pearly coat. Ah, what days and nights..." He banged on in the nauseating way that only expats can. Kind of similar to when New Year arrives and they're overcome with amnesia about the old country they couldn't jettison quickly enough. "The guilt felt for not being in the effected borough." he continued, outdoing himself with self flagellation.
Well you affected bleetin' scruffer. What stopped you flying back to Blighty?  

Castration!

 "In the United States, more than 17 million bulls are castrated yearly that range in age from 1 day to 1 year old." (Drovers Magazine)

It's only a nasty rumour Billy.

Castration. Well as can be imagined, this procedure is not too popular with young friskers. "Ya see, it's a mite like gettin' your goolies hit by a baseball bat...over an' over again." If it's that painful, why do it? Hank thought for a  moment, rubbing his three day unshaven chin which sent sparks flying into the hay loft. "You from the city boy? The question being purely rhetorical as he observed wryly my expensive, inappropriate flamboyant attire." John Ford. He's dead you know." Having dampened down the fire, he continued. "Now, if sweet meat's your delicacy, without 17 million bullocks' bollocked...you followin' me? Fancy restaurants pay tops for 'em." I wiped the last vestige of an impromptu up-chuck from my jacket and ridicules boots. "So, that's about it city fella. Reduced aggression, lower testosterone an' more back-pocket dollars."
Hank wandered off with a couple of knife sharp ranch hands, to surprise more young bucks who will have nil job prospects on this Ponderosa.

Tax? Pay More Rich Folks!

 "Warren Buffett has called for Congress to make him and his 'mega-rich friends' pay more income tax. (BBC)

The billionaire investor and philanthropist said; "We filthy rich folks should pick up our fair share of the tab... do more to help plug the deficit." Warming to his theme of, "give it away you fist tight graspers," he continued.
"Those earning more than $1m (£600,000), and a higher rate for those on over $10m." Mr Buffett demanded of the many housed, off shore tax shy fraternity. "I pay tax at a lesser rate than my office gals. Bazaar or what! It's just not rational and hardly acceptable." What of the arguments made by Republicans, Mr Buffett? "If I was a cow poke in cattle country, I'd explain like a well brought up Texan that some of the GOP should stop taking like a  hosse's ass."

Spies, Pakistan And Chinese Plunder!

"ISTAN'S intelligence service probably let Chinese military engineers examine the wreckage of a super-secret US stealth helicopter that crashed during the May raid on Osama bin Laden's compound in Abbottabad." (SunHearld.com)

But surely everything has it's price, my Mandarin friends?

An unnamed official from PR Pakis, familiar with the usual double-dyed behaviour of the US's non compliant ally ,took it personally. "My friends, on behave of our nation, I'm deeply hurt." began Mr A from the Ministry of Double Speak, "my friends, he repeated; how can you think such things? I don't even own a camera and only once have I seen what you describe as a helicopter? We are your comrades in battle as steady as the moving desert sands; we chaps of Pakistan stand shoulder-to-shoulder with our dear American blood brothers, and by the Scimitar of Saladin we surely can't be trusted one decimal place. As to the the matter of your sneek-past-us Black Hawk; there is no truth in rumours that sensitive information has wafted towards Beijing. I sware on the waterlogged bones of one recently martyred; personally I've no knowledge of bamboo shoots or birds in the nest soup. I will spit on the graves of these soon to be deceased tall tale tellers. The oriental gentlemen some of you press persistently reference, were only in our country to open a chain of honorable Peking Shootin' Duck take-outs." He fingered his worry beads slowly, a swift brow moping then some major grooming of the horse hair of a moustache that occupied the mantelpiece atop his lip. "And now my friends of the western media; before the public holiday of traitor hanging, I shall take one more of your probing no-holds-barred questions.Yes Nick?" "Er, thanks. Nicky Naive, New York Times. "You really are on our side, aren't you...?
A Mexican wave of amusement rippled around the press room and out into the warm, still evening air. (Photo: AFP).

Brit Of The Long Tongue.

Not quite ready for that Julie Andrew's number.

"British student has tongue lengthened to speak Korean." (Telegraph, UK)

 Rhiannon Brooksbank–Jones loves The Vapors  track 'Turning Japanese' which she sings along to in short tongue Korean. Rhianno currently studies at a nearby university in the county of Robin the Hood and dreams of speaking in tongues; which is handy when imaging countries she can't be sure exist except perhaps in pixels. She struggles with shopping trolleys, folding maps back into their designated creases but it's the pronunciation of certain Zulu vowels and the Korean for; 'he's one fit fella,' that triggers tongue malfunction. "Being a short arse - which moi isn't- well that's one thing; but having a tongue that's totally useless for certain French smooching maneuvers is not cool." She ran out of paper but continued writing on my T shirt, "I'm not thick, but that friggin' lingual frenulum is! As things stand, I can't be the voice of Korea's speaking clock or the bingo caller at my local." Her parents nodded their agreement. "It's got to be the15 minute lingual frenectomy op for number one daughter, followed by lashings of her fav ice cream."
A couple of weeks later Rhiannon said tentatively, "Sore or what. Such aggers at first, but tonguey is now about 1cm longer and I'll soon be Rosetta Stoning the crap out of all in my immediate vicinity!" Little won-soong-ee.   (Photo: Paul Tonge)

Enter... The Super Mouse!

 "Super mouse evolves resistance to most poisons." (BBC) 

Call me Jerry once more and I will crap in your cornflakes.

German and Spanish mice on their hols in North Africa have found the lady mice of the Casbah much to their liking. "The Germans always get here first; swill copious amounts of beer and warfarin and seem none the worst," said the de-frocked priest turned scientist,"it gets them in that thigh slappin' party time mood. Then it's towels on the sun loungers and off they scuttle to find an Arabian princess," What about the Spanish? "They're always much later to arrive. They're all back in Spain engaging in the three hour tapas, a glass or two of red then siesta. Later in the evening more tapas and a nice white then hit the nest around 3.30am. Early next day somehow they're down town pissing off loads of angry bulls which chase them through narrow streets. Already late for an Algerian date by around 1.5 million years, it's not too much of a priority when a well placed horn is about to connect with the smallest butt in Europe." And what of the survivors? "Oh, for lucky furries, it's boats and planes across the Med and some gene leaking in hell hot Algeria."
Now...you may be wondering; will cousin ratie have their lost weekends too? Well, why not. The relatives are having the genetic exchanging time of their lives, so for ratie it'd be a simple equation: Today Algiers, a quick globe trot then it's Black Death 2 time.  Would there be enough Hamelin pipers to go around, working their olde miracle magic before we're all pox and puss? You'd better hope so.
(Photo: BBC)