The 'God Particle' Onwards And Upwards!

Here's mine. So...you've brought some tablet round Jeremy?

Volunteers can now actively help physicists in the search for: head lice, cheap booze or anything you fancy really. The new fundamentals in the world of particles are hard to see, so those with an account at SpecSavers, stay up late and have little or no social life are much in demand. Oh, but if you are going all net-worky to help Cern, you'll perhaps need something very similar to the top pic to give you any hope of being first to Higgs-Boson and a Nobel Prize. "Providing insights into the origin of our Universe, is never as easy as say, finding a new pi" so said the man in charge of all things big at Cern, like the one and only LHC. A freckled faced youth by his elbow stuck out his tongue before announcing, "A pi searcher is a 26 a night Red Bull guy. Nod-offs need not apply." Little Freck, being one of the more genteel names for the newly arrived 15 year old wunderknabe: IQ210 Voice: broke last Tuesday. "But,"and one now detected whinge-creep from the little 'un, "but why can't I find the number deep in philosophical meaning, when I've verified 200 million against the source list?  A--N--D...... I once downed 27 RBs on a pi over-nighter at Wendy's...so there!"

Time to take his Red Bull tinnies away, while older boffins smash on for another 24 hours in search for the God of particles. (Photos: Copyright Control) 

Hey Alf, send that smart ass kid for my KitKat.

Gordon, An Axe And Gin-less.

Craggers: nearly in touchy-feely mode.

"Gordon Ramsay is axed as the face of Gordon's Gin as sales fall" (Mirror, UK) 
Ms Cranberry S, of West End PR reported, "Gordon is taking an never ending sabbatical. I hear that he will be slipping into a very exclusive furniture school in Switzerland to give him that extra finesse (and a mustard mouth-wash won't go amiss)," ventured the newly emboldened Ms Cranberry in her mock drama college whisper. "And...he's not the face front of what our band Gin Wify needs anymore!" butted in Artie Artichok'em (bass). "Craggy as the Jagger, the 3 percent sales slumper is not going to shift us to the next league, or fix us up on a big unplugged spot," Artie continued with a nuance of swaying hip. "What we needs is like a really smooth chops; a 'shaken, not stirred' type bloke. I'd even trash me pig swill look and get suited if we was to land that Quattro-driving DCI Hunt."  'chok'em mused to his 5000 watt Marshall. "Yes quite, intervened a startled fawn resembling Ms C.
Craggy's other enterprises are not reported to be in peek condition either. "F--- 'em. They're space-wasting tossers all!" retorted G form the VIP London lounge, en route to some hoped for resurrection across the pond. (Photo: Splash)

Getting It Wrong, Again...

"Shout down the Sharia myth makers" (JTA) Sounding much like an extra in a Jihadist's B film, Abraham H. Foxman is the kind of guy that, had he been living in Germany, would have said in 1935 that Hitler and the Ruff Bhoys were just a passing faze for disgruntled out of work WW1 losers. That they were temporarily a little misguided, but were really salt of the earth Fatherland lovers who just uniformed-up to march, though perhaps too self indulgent with beer and a sing-song. Abe would have enjoyed a good Schubert melody though it would have been Ludwig that tugged at his wannabe German heart. He would have viewed those who were dispatching their children to Britain as unpatriotic and not much better than paranoid panic merchants. And even as he was being loaded onto a cattle truck he would still have been shouting about always having been a good loyal German.
Abe and his band; ever the apologists for Islam. Left of center intellectuals, singing from the same old "We Can Never Get It Right" sheet music.
If the elephants were heading for high ground as the sea retreated at pace to some distant horizon; the oblivious Abe and Co would still be readying themselves for their beach picnic with a chilled Chardonnay to hand...getting it wrong, again.

Last Call For A Mr Obama...

 "The United States is poised to shift its position on Syria by calling on President Bashar al-Assad to step down because of the violence he has inflicted on his own people and his failure to implement meaningful reforms for the last five months." (Guardian, UK)

Yeah, this is the guy. He's known to quake at the sound of a toughing stand.

Barack Obama, for five months the Rip van Winkle of Middle East politics has woken up and will "toughen his stand". What does this friggin' mean? And he'll 'issue the demand as early as Thursday.' Well Mr Decisive, you're only five months and a Thursday too late! Is there a calender and clock that works in your White Over-Ground Bunker? On March 9, 2011 at sleepy time, did someone slip you a very strong malted milk and as Jay Carney was doing a major DIY number, he just let you have a long lie-in? Please,please....just catch the first coach back to some Illinois Community Centre and throw a few hoops with some old buddies. You're just so way out of your depth.

Avoid High Place, Stay In Bed!

"A new research has indicated that animal's brains are only roughly aware of how high-up they are in space, meaning that in terms of altitude the brain's 'map' of space is surprisingly flat." (Indian Express)

'Alas poor Yorik I knew him well'

Scientists have also spent many years in the study of neuron network cells; Why eat square sausage with a pan loaf when in Scotland? In humans, a solar flare or badly behaved battery in or near the brain's campo-hippo, could make you name your first born: Isambard Kingdom Brunel. The infant will almost certainly develop to around 5'4'' smoke 45 Trincomall cigars a day and be overly fascinated by heavy pieces of joined-up metal.

Now where's me flipin' matches.

Moving on...further research might very well confirm that you have something rather similar to the top photo? That'll be a good start providing you haven't mislaid the missing piece. Many in the consultancy profession have a tendency to dismiss this as unimportant, so when attending day clinic at the Brain-Map and Empty Space Dept. found on the second floor, take it with. Can the brain's comprehension of height or horizon be more fully explored by say: letting rats loose in a crowded canteen during lunch? Those first jumping onto anything higher than the floor would certainly prove this to be the case; for grid measuring distance cells and place cells which indicate the location of a chair are the best ones to fire off by those who have rodent aversion.
The so called leap-on-a-chair study is supported and part funded by Ikea and the TrustUsAlways Inc Corp. In his pithy lecture, Professor Jackanoray elaborated, "We are very sensitive to any horizontal space, hence bed lying is especially popular on wet Mondays but let's not exclude any remaining work days. We humans have limited ability at quantifying how high a cliff may be, so stepping off could get you a hefty dry cleaning bill; and when flying at 37,000 feet, unless you happen to be seated next to Mr Mel Brooks, surprises await the impatient traveler should the desire to door-open strike"
Those intrigued to know the potential out come of stepping off a kerb or sky diving if your 'shoot fails, should contact your nearest Psychology and Language Sciences Faculty. (Photos/Art: Copyright Control)

Men Of Honor? You Decide!

Mujahideen-e Khalq: Former U.S. Officials Make Millions Advocating For Terrorist Organization: "hat agenda: to secure the removal of the Mujahideen-e Khalq (MEK) from the U.S. government's list of Foreign Terrorist Organizations. A Marxian Iranian exile group with cult-like qualities, Mujahideen-e Khalq was responsible for the killing of six Americans in Iran in the 1970s, along with staging a handful of bombings. But for a terrorist organization with deep pockets, it appears there's always hope." Please read full story: Go to www.huffingtonpost.com by clicking on the top underlined portion which should bring up the link.

'London Calling'

 "LONDON — Officials vowed to review security plans for the 2012 London Olympics on Tuesday as a third day of rioting forced the cancellation of England's football match against the Netherlands." (AFP)

Pity we can't put this one down to Gerry.

Widespread unrest across the capital was/is mainly a result of unseasonable weather (11C has been recorded) and a dearth of A/C units. The apparent inability of police to use the tactics perfected by Assad's riot quellers has added to policing difficulties. "If we had a few tanks and the like," said a dishearten PC with a wooden round stick and dustbin lid for protection, "the really 'ard lootin' crew would have 'ad their botty's bazooka'd."
The UK Home Secretary Theresa not-up-to-the-job May said officials would "look at whatever is necessary to relieve me of my post."  Frankie Foreign Office waded in, "In order to ensure a trouble-free Olympics, Son of Assad should be free from his domestic duties in Syria and will be in charge of co-ordinating the necessary in order to keep street scum tweeters well contained."
May snatched the mic back and droned on, "My autocue says that we take issue with certain media, suggesting that had the billions of borrowed money spent for jonny foreigner to swim, track-trot and throw objects around a field;  had even a fraction of it been spent in the direction of the disenfranchised youth of London, none of this rough and tumble, fire starting stuff would have been forthcoming." breathing in not a moment too soon, she wailed on, "I have to say, that's Ken's usual leftie bollocks. Next summer's sports extravagant Olympics will be a triumph; and I'm certain that Blitz weary Londoners of all creeds and hues will forgive the ego-tripping leadership on both sides of the House, even when their community charges rocket for the next two decades."  (Photo:AFP)