Kenneth Clarke: No Beans Please!

( Photo:David Jones/PA)

'Justice secretary, Kenneth Clarke, has vowed to end the 'tickbox, bean-counting culture' of the probation service after MPs revealed that officers spend as much as 75% of their work time on administrative duties rather than dealing directly with offenders.' (Guardian, UK)
I don't know if Ken 'Hush Puppies' Clarke is for deportation, chain gangs and prison ships which lazy low life burdens on the state could build, before being banged up with their mobiles and playstations. "Wayward youths of this fair island are an abomination to our far-sighted leader ( perhaps D.C. has the odd delusion or two about marching faithful Tories into that Big Tent Teepee thing, but I digress) And as for officers of the Probation Service, whom I suspect as being quasi sympathisers with the offending elements in our society; is it really asking too much for you laptop lizards to step out once and a while from your favourite watering holes in order to have at least a nodding acquaintance with your delinquent charges"?
Ah, Ken; one of the so called great beasts of the Conservative Party, was once touted as a potential leader way back in the days of New Labour Blair. But too much European Union footsie with T.B. and that was that. Still, nice to see an old war horse let loose from the meadow for one last canter around Westminster.

Fake Scotch Whisky?

(Photo: Tucone)

 'Strathclyde University in Glasgow, Scotland have developed a reliable, quick new method for detecting bootleg Scottish whisky' (Tucone)

Aye, that we have laddie. And how's it done you'll be thinkin'? Well... preferably we want a native born Fifer, IE: a native of The Kingdom 'o Fife but really, any living East Coaster will do. They folk especially like the sound o' an extra poundie or twa  jinglin' in their pockets. Now... the serious scientific bitty: We hae ten or so 'o them sat blindfolded an' it couldnae be simpler laddie! Just a wee drap 'o 1 part in 10,000,000,000 under  their noses, and wa'oot fail they'll tell you if it's a bootleg baby, our one of our own from the Highlands and Islands of Auld Scotia!

Roger Cohen: Can He Still Cross A Busy Street By Himself?

 Roger Cohen (Photo:Copyright Control)

 "Whom the gods would destroy they first give a newspaper column." so wrote Jack Shafer of Slate Magazine.


Oh dear Roger: Intellectual trapeze artist but nous-less in New York.

(Photo: RF)

                                                 
Still can't tell the difference between a great coffee and the contents of a piss pot? Then here's a clue:

ISLAMIST TYPES

Best Weight Loss Ways By Dr deFacts!

Hey, they never were our pants, but the
pic will sure encourage the 24/7
foodies to make that special
effort.

First: throw out the fridge, plates and cutlery...
but remember to keep a spoon.

See...not only do you save on
electric, but a spoon a day
keeps cake scoffing friends away.

Now you see what can happen
if you're too
 fast and keen, on your
 pounds off routine?
(Photos: RF)

"Madasabrush-66 is future proof! We know cause we've tested it already on Jan 3, 2015. Amazon Used-To-Be-A-Rainforest weight-loss formula is one of the strongest products we've ever studied, with test subjects safely losing an average of 250 pounds in 7 days without additional diet, exercise or being induced from their sofa coma. And as we're a dotty.org you know we're as trust worthy as any politician or banker. So my friends; spoon away these extra little love handles. And for keeping you focused, positive and alive though  the journey of screaming starvation; just keep seeking within your inner mind the picture of what you wish to be, rather than focusing on what you are truly becoming.

Strangers To Truth...

(Photo: PhysOrg.com Check them out for goodies)

Researchers have developed a prototype to detect fake web content. Do you go online to pay bills, shop,

transfer funds, sign up for classes, send email or instant messages or search for medical information? If so, then this is all completely irrelevant to you. But for fake and distorted  news? Check out below:

     Note the bluish spikes? That shows when they were caught out sailing near to the truth. Depending from which country the perpetrator of truth beamed from, outcomes for that individual could be rather different: e.g. the BBC: a slap on the wrist and tea/coffee duty for a month. The Peoples Democratic Republic of somewhere you'd not want be living: e.g. any country whose flag is flying here: Who knows...                                         

Graphene: The 'Wonder Material' To Replace Silicon!

'What we’ve found is that it's 3,000 times faster than silicon, so it can be three times bigger than what we had expected.' (IT PRO)

(Copyright: Walt Disney Productions)

"A call for you doctor. It's Bob from Boobie Boys in Hollywood". " Hey Frank, how's it goin'. Heard about Graphene? Not yet? No matter. Well, for a start you can give your spare dick of a nephew that new open top, for this Graphy stuff will have our boob enhancement biz go galactic! Yep, queue's round the block will be the norm. What's that?...what if it's carcinogenic? Hey Frank, you won't have the balls for this big buck biz if you've got Jiminy Cricket on your case".

Well actually, it's hoped it will be the replacement material for computer chips, but one never knows...

A Quicky Pull Out?... No Siree!

(Photo RF)

The new American ambassador to Afghanistan took the oath of office on Monday, saying in a succinct but personal speech that the United States would start to pull back from its engagement here — but only gradually. (NY,Times) " Now...a want to make mysel' very clear, standin' here for the very first time addressin' you press assembled  folks. We can't just sling our hook you know. We've still got to arrange the village fete (Islam style of course) and that god-dam soccer re-match! Got our backsides booted so bad last year, and that's the number one reason why my so called predecessor to this ball-breaker of a country, got the ol' heavy-ho".

(Photo:RF)

"I'll have our boys practising at every opportunity night an' day; and I'm certainly not expectin' no curve ball surprises from their footie team. Ma intelligence communications people most reliably inform me that most of those village soccer fellas are often as not, plumb out of their trees, havin' too much affection for that ol' local field flower".