Under Pressure?

"Syria's Arab neighbours pile on pressure on Assad regime," (BBC)

So glad you could make it, Bashar my friend.

More Gulf Arab nations have withdrawn their ambassadors from Syria. "We've kicked them (Assad and Co) out of the sand pie making contest and that's just for starters!" said the spokesman for Kings, Despots and OPRF (one party rule forever). "The Arab Consolidation Committee," he informed us, "is serious about this Syrian restlessness. We're withdrawing many Ambassadors for what we in the trade call "consultations."   We've learnt as much as we can from our Syrian brothers about how to stick the boot in and other inventive techniques for putting down the undesirable elements who don't know their place." The spokesman stubbed out his bad habit and lit another. "So, you're Willy Western, new press boy in town. You'll soon be writing nonsense about Arab Springs, eh? Habebe; this is how it works. We Arabs say whatever we think that pant suited woman of Obama's wants to hear. Same for all of you fans of elected governments.We have a big tent-in, invite all the Carter family and Arab Spring simpletons; then after goats head soup and a camel race, pack them all off back home."

Ten to one the King's lame nag wins.

"But... we in the West regard as highly significant that no less a figure as King Abdullah of Saudi Arabia has publicly criticised Bashar al-Assad!"

"Yeah, right" as you might say in the land of the free.  (Photos: Copyright Control)

Je Veux Pisser. Now!

"Depardieu 'apologies' for publicly urinating on jet" (BBC)

Gerald Depardieu.

Gerald's friend and fellow actor Edouard Baer said, "For a start, you taxi and are held for three hours on the runway with the lav a no-go area. Sure, the cabin crew can take a leak at their leisure, while we the paying public have to do the cross legs and knot-tie. Gerald has prostate problems and had not been drinking." The French thespian, now center stage went on, "Many here have been in similar situations and it's even worse when traveling with a child."
 The current policy is a puddle waiting to happen. They get you on board the plane in FULL knowledge that it's not going anywhere, anytime soon. So lets keep the fidgety bastards from wondering around and getting in our way. We'll do the old for your safety 'cause it's really quite dangerous parked on the tarmac: Seat Belt Fasten Sign. Yeah, that's always a winner! Then Captain Plummy Voice Superior will announce over the intercom to the flying cigar box trap-ees, some nonsense about the weather five days ago in Timbuktu causing an unexpected delay here and how they really are sorry. Some of the more probable reasons? Cabin crew late for duty because they partied too much and couldn't be arsed to get out of their kip on time; control tower staff asleep on duty and just the usual airport incompetance. Whatever the reasons we've missed our spot and loo lock-down will remain in force.
Next time when in similar circumstances, let's just all do the Depardieu until the toilet Nazis change their policy.

O'Donnell: Morgan's Creepy Q's'

"Piers Morgan's questions were creepy then went into a personal nature and started prying."(msnbc)

"Imagine if the Pope were there. Would he have asked him, 'Do you still hang out with some of your friends from Hitler Youth days? C'mon, we talked about it times ago. It's old hat. I didn't even want to do the Piers Morgan show quite honestly because I knew I'd get, well you know...kinda want to wriggle in the chair a bit. He's well know to resort to certain kind of talk just before he goes on air."  At a later interview by someone called Ging-gus, Ms O'Donnell was asked about her vast collection of broom-sticks. "I am not a witch. Just because I'm an avid collector of flying wooden objects and turned down a Swiffer commercial."

Still using that olde broom gals?

She paused to kick her aid's chin. "I ignored my gut feeling on that. Passed on a largish check listening to that peep. If I wasn't a born again girl, he'd be a yesterday's man. Boy, is there a lesson there!" she said as she allegedly ripped off yet another mic.

Aliens May Destroy Us!

 'The authors warn that extraterrestrials may be wary of civilisations that expand very rapidly, as these may be prone to destroy other life as they grow, just as humans have pushed species to extinction on Earth. In the most extreme scenario, aliens might choose to destroy humanity to protect other civilisations.' (Guardian, UK)

Hi. My name's Malc. Please read our report before the aliens do. Thanks earthlings.   

"A preemptive strike would be particularly likely," said one of the mushroom munchers.  "In Star Trek:  The Next Generation, in a fav episode of mine our macho expansion got right up the ETIs' antenna," he enthused with the countenance of the above cover. "A mega dysfunctional civilisation like ours may become increasingly difficult to destroy later," he announced. Convinced by his own and co-authors' off the wall assumptions, I ventured to ask Malc the Muncher if by any chance a man named Al Gore had opened his wallet? And also, could he reveal to me before it was time to make contact with planet Zog, just how he and the others had...without a little bitty evidence...all converged at the truth of their hypothesis? He ignored my reasonable question contenting himself with the old getting-quickly-under-your-desk exercise. "At some point, we will be detected by an ETI because our expansion is changing the composition of the Earth's atmosphere, via greenhouse gas emissions," Their report also stated that, "Green" aliens might object to the environmental damage humans have caused on Earth and wipe us out to save the planet."
Yes, of course they will Malc. Now you and your co-authors can come out from under your desks now and just step into this nice, quiet, cushioned room...  (Photo: Copyright DC Comics)

Pandas, Latinos And Can-Cleaning...

Juan. Stop flushing already.

"The federal government said on Wednesday it is suing a Panda Express restaurant in West San Jose for making its Latino workers clean toilets." (San Jose News).
"Asian employees dog lazy. Say with much smile going on, they get sea sick very much sooner," so said a green-gilled Latino with no hint of a name."These people needing a good brush-scrubbing from me after can-john duties."

Coming soon: the deluxe land version. 

A U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commissioner alighted from his stretched Humvee and stated,  "Hispanic workers get the shitty end of the stick. They work counter, clean the floating up-stream rest room, then are expected to get back on table duty, while Asian employees spectate, scratch their butts and spit."
A Panda spokesman stated that the company will not comment pending litigation regarding the alleged treatment of non Asian staff at the West San Jose establishment. (Photos: RV)

All Shook Up

It was long before I knew anything about Tupelo or Memphis. Sun Records, Sam Phillips or the fair ground colonel. In '57 aged twelve, in a small sea side town the eight week long school holiday had begun. And one sunny morning on a Saturday I sat in Togs Cafe; pocket money, chilled Coke, sandy shore hands and then, some girl played the Juke Box.

Tog's of Troon

We all have places of association with a song from the beginnings of youth; of those special to us moments triggered in the present from a car radio or on passing an open window; when briefly we're delivered to days of beach time friendships where those times-ago faces remain, but names from these simple, summer days have faded.

I away used to sing: 'come on su-gar.' not ever connecting the obvious. Tog's Cafe is no more, but now at least I know the words...   (Photos: Copyright Control)

All Shook Up: T22

GREAT! Scrot Get's Four Years!

Here's one of the 'somewhat shocked'

"A Cheshire man who was jailed for using Facebook to incite disorder during last week's riots is to appeal against his sentence," his solicitor has said.
Jordan Blackshaw, from Marston, was jailed for four years at Chester Crown Court on Tuesday, along with Perry Sutcliffe-Keenan, 22, from Warrington. Blackshaw's solicitor said his 21-year-old client and his family were 'somewhat shocked by the sentence'. (BBC)
How about, if the scrot's appeal fails they double the sentence? As it stands they could charge a daily occupancy rate same as some Med dive would. Pay-as-you-stay kinda. I can hear the usual bleedin' heart snivelers already chanting the Human Rights chorus. How about if you behave like a scrot, then your Human Rights gets booted back to whence it came; for as it stands, every scurrilous lawyer miss uses it as a get out of jail card for their low life clients. Oh... and it's you the UK tax payer that indirectly pays for Frogmorton, Rippovsnic & Frogmortonson's top of the range Chelsea tractors.