Pratts R Us...

Yeah I'll keep smiling, but I really need to go.

Never heard of them? Oh, you must have! Along with 900,000 *snowflakes on the river, they really were famous in Warhol minutes. It's Heidi! Black and white tele? Yeah Heidi as in Peter and the goat shepherd from the land of Nazi gold, choc bars and bird clocks. Well anyway, you're obviously are not a Beast reader, for Spencer the Pratt (right) like many a prat before, trickled millions away and now they can be interviewed tucked up in the spare box room at his mummy and daddy's house. So when firefly fame beckons, you talentless, egocentrics out there; always keep spare jim-jams at yer mums'. (*To paraphrase Robert Burns)

Obama Hails An' Flails!

(Photo: Copyright Control)

President Obama hailed the limp-wristed, last-minute cave in on Tuesday, saying, "The Big D? Whatever... Anyway, Wednesday's my fav night of the week; the kids are packed off and me and 'shel get down and boogie, then it's Five Guys fries and burgers. So after this last tango on the Hill thing, I'll crack open a six-pack whatever the vote and watch some ball hittin' action". The following evening, shirt sleeved, messianic and  staying dry while holding back stampeding voters, the master of mixed messages got wordy. "Compromise? You won't hear that from my lips when I find it so much easier to say capitulation. My program is set to massively increase spending and believe this: our nation's $14.3 trillion debt will spiral and escalate even beyond Benny an' me's wildest! Boy, that'll really choke the Elephants, number nerds and those"Math For Dumbos" folk. Now...mark my eloquent delivery: The Canadian border has not been sealed. Finally finance. This is an important first step in having our credit rating shredded and our nation slipping to one below Cuba in the international country-wrecking league. And to make absolutely certain that we remain a proud no-cuts, spendthrift Government; we will continue to live swaddled in all consuming debt and financially beholden to every country in the world except for one banana-less republic. So, in conclusion: it is my solemn responsibility to lead our Government, citizens and illegals in abandoning all fiscal logic and continue spending vastly beyond our means. For this I know: it is an achievable goal for any administration, but more especially mine".

UK's Most Wanted Scroats...

'Shawshank'  With No Redemtion...

Most wanted. Top row, left to right: Kevin Leitch, Misba Uddin, Nicholas Slocombe, Ajayi Seun and Peter Stead; bottom row, left to right - Nasser Ahmed, Mohamad Khan, Timur Mehmet, Jascent Nakawunde and an unknown woman. Photograph: Crimestoppers/PA

The faces of some of Britain's most wanted suspected fraudsters have been published in an effort to bring them to justice. Crimestoppers, the national charity, said the 10 suspected criminals were allegedly responsible for a total of at least £200m of fraud." (Guardian, UK)

We all know that an email especial from Nigeria = Delete. But the above pictured scroats for the most part applied their letterheads, emails and slick tongues to the most vulnerable or gullible.

Brain Full To The Brim? Remodel!

Here's the expensive Super Deluxe for tax dodging off-shore account holders.

'Full up to the brim: scientists claim the human brain is at capacity!' (Times of India)

Yes, but is it? With a much higher IQ, you would feel totally superior to these who's wiring betrays a very sloppy electrician who just left it to a first year apprentice. But desiring greater cc brain capacity will prove very expensive for the would be Uber-Intelligent. They'll be the remortgage and up'd overdraft to pay for all these gold tipped connections and then there's the sizable electric bill each month to consider. So start the march to your semi-cyborg future by getting your sceptical accountant on board before hasty regrets are posted. However, if you do decide to remodel: 'Skull Expanders' for that extra necessary head room is really an excellent one-stop-shop, owned by my nephew. Or there's Craig and Angie's for fussy folk. But just think; being brain enhanced to uber-smarter means... being like him!: Morris van Helava,  professor of psychiatry, quantum physics and part time steam loco engineer. The Prof has a chair at the Oostrechtre Hedin Centre, Milton Keynes England, where he holds court when not playing with trains.‘Increasing ze power of the brain takes ze hell of a  boost in energy consumption. So, nein of your kettle and toastin' while "de-Franking," is in progress' cautioned the Prof. 'My little homage to Mrs Shelly's creation', he mumbled, looking faintly flushed. The Super Prof is "the path future, in the present". Well, that's what the marketing spiel reads. 'It is risky to predict the distant future but it is clear there are tight constraints on intelligence if you don't have the readies to slap down', he patronised in unbroken English.

Astrology: Scientific Proof?

Planets and astral bodies have stable orbits, well for the most part and some scientists have found predictable and coherent effects in the spatial-temporal domain in humans, tree frogs and undergraduates. Also, the gravitational fields of student doctors and nurses are considerably effected by their frequent visits to various pubs before and after a long shift. As you will know doubt have noticed, electromagnetic fields produced by TV and other gadgets are non-coherent and therefore pretty much like Wall Street traders when arm waving and shouting at one another in strange jackets. A consequence of this kind of juvenile behaviour is often the random canceling of the respective effects in time and space domains. So...Virgo Wallie men think they're Leo's and buy short instead of long; but then catch the Asian markets off guard by behaving like Sagi the Archer types. Another important point to make here: arguments put forth by the Tea Party and members of the Flat Earth Society are not acceptable, while the arguments by others may be valid or otherwise. So, there you have it. (Photos: Copyright Control)

NASA No More...

 'Right the wrongs on planet earth before bothering with the rest of the universe' shout many folks.

'NASA no more, Skye no more, innovation no more...'

Ugie spoke in gruff, urgent tones to his deer skinned other half from the front of their cave, "Let us go forth and look see what is over yonder distant plain where it is said you fall off." "Oh no my precious club carrier, for we are not as yet a united world community and the eradication of poverty, disease and inequality in society are as distant an accomplishment as ever. Besides, the reader of bison bones and wolf dancing has spoken in trance, saying 'Nay, and thrice Nay'! For dangers, scabies and other scary things await the foolish adventurer'. "So we're stayin' put my clubby hubbie."
And so it came to pass, because all emerging human kind believed the sooth sayers, bone readers and others of no imagination, they all stayed and played it safe in the caves of a known land; and bugger all was ever achieved while waiting for perfection. (Photo: NASA: Music: The Proclaimers: Letter from America, see www.Youtube.com)

John Boehner: Smiling But Not For Long!

"When asked by reporters outside his office Friday morning if a deal had been reached, Boehner replied saying, “I’m smiling.”

I'll point if a like, you pinko pip-squeak.

Theories abound: Did he get lucky? Didn't get an invite to a tea party because he couldn't hold for at least twenty-four hours without peeing his pants?  Got wreaked with Pres. Obama at the nineteenth after schmoozing him at golf? Boehner expressed confidence that he and his leadership team would get the votes to send a bill to the Senate. What? That ol' thing's already floatin' in the water; so he's either a plucky Capital Hill trooper or one very over confident cry baby. Photo: (Copyright Control)