Start Throttling Data!

AT&T might start throttling heavy users. So get on the scales cause there's no messin' with the Big Bad Bell.   The iPhone 5 competition is on ten minus three and counting and the new diktat from the Bell will seriously effect those who are grandfathered on the current eat-as-much-data-as you can, plan. As for tight wallet pay-as-you-go types, very soon they'll be seen but not heard. "We have to make an example of these cheap skates, so from October they're be wandering around talking to themselves."  Steve Smirk, who represents the company in the: Customer Service? Who Friggin Cares Dept, and has still to draw a razor across his downy cheeks, stated: "As I'm the face and first contact, it's just so important to make a good or any kind of impression on a potential cash cow. Now, if there's no more of your tedious questions, I'll be off for my am latte lite".

IAG: Bucks Roll In!

Hey Juan. Walshie thinks he's Captain Kirk.

IAG's Chief Executive Willie Walsh told reporters he expected the group to deliver 'significant growth in operating profit this year' despite soaring fuel prices. "Firing three quarters of the pilots and crew give me such a testosterone buzz that frankly, if I could do without the trouble making leftovers and do ditto, I'd frolic starkers though LHR's Terminal 5".
Earlier this week IAG's European rivals Air France (AIRF.PA) and Lufthansa reported mediocre results mainly from not flying much and the inertia of their work-shy managements. "We are doing brill"! continued Willie. "I work my bollocks off and if some of the other drag-me-downs in my empire of the air would just follow the advise of Phillip the Greek, then the Luftwaffe and Fairy France would be just taxie and park outfits" said a breathless Walshie."Yes fuels bloody dear! Weren't you listening, press boy: there's not friggin' much we can do about fuel costs 'til that ineffective mongrel NATO find the bottle to sequestrate Jonny A-rabs' oil fields." (Photo: Reuters/Albert Gea)

Arab Winter = A Weary Willy!

Oh cripes...if I hadn't been Tory Boy I'd have pinched her bum.

UK Foreign Secretary William Hague, who has always strenuously denied ever having the adolescent hots for a lady that was never for turning, has said that the Middle East faces the usual predictable stuff. Like never missing the opportunity to slag each other off and the usual suspects from a crowd scene in Lawrence of Arabia, endlessly bleating on about some 9sq ft of lost, hilly scrub land. Only good for goats, sheep and religious folks, up until 1967 this out-crop of stones and rock was previously known by anyone who could read a map, as the Hashemite Kingdom of Jordan.

The Flag of Jordan

Mysteriously and mischievously name-changed one night to the catchy West Bank, by PLO Palies and their Allies... subsequently this name was adopted through world ignorance and the usual political shenanigans at the UN. Meanwhile, back at the black-tie evening: "If...just for once," sighed stubble chinned Willy, "they'd just all stop pissing on the chips and raise their game past first term kinder garden, all of this crap would soon be consigned to the locker room of historical lunacies". ((Photo above: Telegraph,UK)

What twat first said: 'life's a beach'?

Operation Ed!

         

Hmmm...if only I'd nudged him a tad as the train pulled in.

Ed Miliband has been under the knife to help improve his sleep apnoea, a problem that, along with that twit in No11, had given he and wifie many sleepless nights. The Labour leader suffers from the common condition of all politicians: banging on endlessly on subjects that are completely alien to them. There had been speculation that the operation was also intended to improve Ed's nose, voice, listening skills and patch up things with senior bro, Dave the Sulker. "And It didn't change his thing and nor was it intended to." huffed a lick spittle flunky. Well 'twas rather a waste of a surgeon and knife then. (Photo: Telegraph, UK)

Kenneth Clarke: No Beans Please!

( Photo:David Jones/PA)

'Justice secretary, Kenneth Clarke, has vowed to end the 'tickbox, bean-counting culture' of the probation service after MPs revealed that officers spend as much as 75% of their work time on administrative duties rather than dealing directly with offenders.' (Guardian, UK)
I don't know if Ken 'Hush Puppies' Clarke is for deportation, chain gangs and prison ships which lazy low life burdens on the state could build, before being banged up with their mobiles and playstations. "Wayward youths of this fair island are an abomination to our far-sighted leader ( perhaps D.C. has the odd delusion or two about marching faithful Tories into that Big Tent Teepee thing, but I digress) And as for officers of the Probation Service, whom I suspect as being quasi sympathisers with the offending elements in our society; is it really asking too much for you laptop lizards to step out once and a while from your favourite watering holes in order to have at least a nodding acquaintance with your delinquent charges"?
Ah, Ken; one of the so called great beasts of the Conservative Party, was once touted as a potential leader way back in the days of New Labour Blair. But too much European Union footsie with T.B. and that was that. Still, nice to see an old war horse let loose from the meadow for one last canter around Westminster.

Fake Scotch Whisky?

(Photo: Tucone)

 'Strathclyde University in Glasgow, Scotland have developed a reliable, quick new method for detecting bootleg Scottish whisky' (Tucone)

Aye, that we have laddie. And how's it done you'll be thinkin'? Well... preferably we want a native born Fifer, IE: a native of The Kingdom 'o Fife but really, any living East Coaster will do. They folk especially like the sound o' an extra poundie or twa  jinglin' in their pockets. Now... the serious scientific bitty: We hae ten or so 'o them sat blindfolded an' it couldnae be simpler laddie! Just a wee drap 'o 1 part in 10,000,000,000 under  their noses, and wa'oot fail they'll tell you if it's a bootleg baby, our one of our own from the Highlands and Islands of Auld Scotia!

Roger Cohen: Can He Still Cross A Busy Street By Himself?

 Roger Cohen (Photo:Copyright Control)

 "Whom the gods would destroy they first give a newspaper column." so wrote Jack Shafer of Slate Magazine.


Oh dear Roger: Intellectual trapeze artist but nous-less in New York.

(Photo: RF)

                                                 
Still can't tell the difference between a great coffee and the contents of a piss pot? Then here's a clue:

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